feeling betrayed when employee resigns

I have had jobs where the environment was so bad that no amount of money was worth subjecting myself to it. Unless you are willing to extend the same consideration (of never ending the employment relationship) with your employees, its not fair for you to allow feelings of betrayal affect what is just a business relationship. Now, I took a different approach than your employee by telling my manager that I was going to start looking elsewhere, and keeping him informed of my progress. Also I did not tell him about applying for jobs as I had done it in the past and got no where, assumed it would be like before. Its really, really not. I have been working with the same company for that last 2+ years for the best manager in the world. Its not family or friendship, no matter how warm the relationships might feel. Employee resignations happen for many reasons. Is there something you know your organization doesnt do well that you feel is the reason employees might be leaving? Seconded. Im leaving because of money- which my manager has no control over- and size of the company. My supervisor in a Fortune 500 company seemed to feel the same way when I applied for a job in another department. [EA] will be truly missed and we wish her well and much success in her future endeavors. update: how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? Some of those being the overall management of the non-profit I was working at, but a good deal of it was just personal stuff too. +1 on the small business aspect! My boss wrote him letters of recommendation for med schools, he worked hard for eight more months and made sure we could pick up where he left off, and we all wished him well. So they finally embraced it. Its such a great feeling as an employee when you tell a respected boss that youre moving on, and theyre proud of your new accomplishment and sincerely wish you well. I used to feel warm and fuzzy about companies/managers who embraced the were a family mentality . For example, I taught middle school for a couple years, got horribly burned out, and took an entry-level copyediting job that paid less than I could have made as a teacher. I strongly appreciate everything he has done for me and my career, but the upper management on this job has created a hostile working environment (to the point that we are settling a lawsuit over it right now, and Ill be shocked if there isnt another one filed shortly for a seperate series of incidents regarding the SAME upper manager) that I dont want to be a part of any more. This is a new shift on my employers part there used to be no problem with taking vacation, weekends, etc. A key performing employee resigns, and you feel personally affronted. Ive only been there a year. whats the pettiest thing youve done at work (or seen done)? Also, you never know. Ive always got a pricehow high that price is depends on a lot of other factorsbut theres always a magic number. This I calmly reminded her that this is a business not a family, and workers are free to pursue other opportunities. OP, I know how you feel. I wish I could show this post to my most recent ex-boss. Our team is very small. I think its okay to feel that way, especially when you have invested your resources in training or mentoring an employee, but just recognize that its not going to change their decision. The new job could be closer to home; the benefits could be better; it could be in a new industry that youve always wanted to get a foothold in; more flexible hours; the new job lets you work with a coworker or boss who youve enjoyed working with in the past; etc. At the same time, lots of employers have no problems making payroll. Monitor your reaction. Of course, knowing the context could change all that. I then offered to stay longer to train my replacement & he says he no longer trusts me & to just leave & that Id truly hurt his feelings when he had so much planned for my career there. In this article, I share the best methods to handle the situation. Bingo. And shes trying to wrangle a consulting deal too, so she wont be really really gone. Its not like if Im having a lean year I can turn to my kids and go Sorry, were going to have to cut one of you loose.. I have a fantastic job, benefits and coworkers-wise; Im just not particularly fond of the work or commute and theres nothing I can do about either. That is theyre only friends with you because you work together. I get scared, I feel like I could vomit right nowfeel so stupid, yet I dint cause Im sad hes going. I was responsible for setting up the team, the environment, etc. Recognizing that this is a part of being human and taking a little downtime to reflect helps me come to terms with the departure and genuinely wish the people the best. When I left a professional job 5 years ago, I met with the GM and he asked me if there was anything they could do to keep me. We just had an experience at my job where we just learned that someone is leaving because HR called us to tell us when her last day was going to be. 3. For those of us who have been in bad situations, those things are HUGE. Is part of your discomfort that the resignation comes as a surprise? I know no one in the organization has the slightest idea Im looking to leave but we have insane turnover and our most key player has just resigned (I work in a start up), so I need to do what is best for me. When an employee resigns :( https://youtu.be/o-UHtANbvZ8 After watching video, kindly subscribes to the channel <3 May 06, 2022. I took pay cuts to leave and was fine with doing so. And what about when times are tough and theyre forced to downsize? Alisons second to last paragraph needs to be required reading for everyone in or entering management. Its always about the money is as false as saying its never about the money. All this after only three months of employment. Here are some strategies for leaders to use when they are surprised by a resignation. That is, unless you would never fire somebody, even if it meant losing your own job over it. What did she say when you pointed out it was business, not a family? I always find it bizarre when higher ups refer to the company as a family. My boss is a little weird, but I think its probably fair to say in general that if a boss believes their employees never can/will/should leave, then they will behave towards them as though they will never leave. Thats ridiculous. It doesnt have to be a reflection on you; its often about wanting new challenges, wanting a shorter commute, wanting more money, wanting to get more experience in a different area, simply wanting a change, or all kinds of other reasons that have nothing to do with you. This happened a couple times. I have never told a current boss that I was job-searching because of pride.. For example, Id be in the 11-20% camp here: http://getvoip.com/blog/2013/09/24/study-tech-employees-pay-cut. If you had stayed, two years later you would have heard. My job doesnt pay much but the benefits are AMAZING, its <10 minutes from home, I like the job and most of the people I work with, and it's a low-stress job that begins when I clock in and ends when I clock out. Having had that view of the dichotomy between what a difficult, emotional decision it was for him personally and how outwardly professional he was about it really increased my respect for him. If so, maybe you can just frame this as your thing about leaving rather than it being an employee betrayal. I feel I lost a friend. It takes me time to process and sort through emotions brought on by a departure. I had a recent experience where I was shocked that my employee was leaving, despite having no inkling of it prior and also having extensive conversations where we discussed her future. Because, as other posters have opined, people will frequently sacrifice pay increases and shorter commutes if they feel they are treated well, enjoy the environment and are given recognition for their contributions. According to him my one-week departure was unprofessional in the business world despite the fact that I had created detailed documents for clients and account managers that were taking over my accounts. Money is nice, but its definitely not the only thing that matters to people. 2 weeks after departing he works in the company of competition ? They might really like you, but this is still a business transaction. Burnout is a diagnosable state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion brought . Is this part of something larger for you, OP? I know of at least 6 of the 20 people in our office who are actively looking for other jobs, and those are just the ones who confided in me. I couldnt handle fulfilling two more weeks, so as soon as I accepted a new job offer, I gave a one-week notice. Every job is temporary and no matter how much you might like it, you stay only until something better comes along. In my (feeble) defense, there were reasons why that were unique to the situation: Id spent a huge amount of time mentoring and coaching her, and I eventually promoted her into a job that was a real stretch for her, with the understanding I thought that Id be investing significant time and training getting her ready for it and that in return shed stay in the role for a couple of years. And yes, those remarks were crafted/designed to provoke feelings of guilt/worthlessness in you. And not be upset when ex company sees this as a betrayal ? This can help you find a way to resolve your feelings of being unappreciated and improve your work . She wouldnt be retiring now if she had her druthers, but the owners sister wants her job, so she is grudgingly handing over the keys to her little kingdom. I think this is a natural reaction, not something to be pathologized. After my manager kept apologizing and guilting me into staying another 3 months I couldnt take it anymore looked for another job. Sometimes after you get a taste of something new, you find that its not what you want. It makes it sound like youre in the Godfather or something. I always wonder about peoples reactions. They dont seem to get upset when people leave, though. Im currently in early-mid stages of looking for my next role after 1.1 years (I received 1 promotion in this year too). I think thats the right attitude for both companies and managers. Unhappy enough Id just for the same or less money. Nihar Chhaya. First, pause. It has nothing to do with my manager. My point is, maybe if OP really worked on transitioning people who quit in a way that was really positive, potentially quitting employees might be more open, thus OP would feel less blindsided. Attempt to resolve the issue. About 200 RT employees joined demonstrations organised by the National Union of Journalists (NUJ) on Tuesday. It all depends on the reasons for wanting to leavebut I can certainly understand someone leaving an otherwise awesome job for more money, but thats by no means universal. This was an extremely tough and some what reluctant decision for [EA] to make, but it clearly shows that she really does love [her long-term boyfriend] more than her [This Company] family :) . Give yourself a night to sleep on it and then start the process of putting your insights into action. If their options suck, you have a ton of loyalty. Leaders may feel a sense of betrayal or disappointment. Yes, theres that part to things, but in a 12 person company you develop personal relationships with everyone, their spouses, and their children, so there is an emotional investment that will hurt when someone leaves. Lets move on and wish him well! Sheesh. Thanks. He would help if I has family trouble, he actually said this to me. I can tell he feels slightly betrayed/annoyed/sad because the reasons Im leaving are completely out of his control, but he has never come out and said or done anything against me in any way. This is following a 10 year business relationship. Its normal for people to leave jobs this is just what happens, for a variety of reasons. When I left a toxic work environment last year after a stint of unemployment, I later found out that one of the execs/owners of the company sent the department an e-mail explaining his POV of why the department was going through a rough patch. And even then, would be super vague and not as open as people might be if transitioning was easier. Crazy bossesUGH. Also, a good contact can direct others to that open door as well. Thats why its important from a business standpoint to not pay people radically under-market. OP, I have issues with stuff like this too. When they have a lot of options, the loyalty decrease. I think its because the owner tends to see the company as an extension of who they are, and thus takes the decision to move on as a rejection of the owner as a person.. Effective [date three weeks away], [EA] will resign her position as Executive Assistant to [CEO]. I always tell people the only person who will look out for you is you. But Ive learned that true friends are going to stand by you when you need them, not just when its convenient. It would be OK if the family wasnt so dysfunctional, but that kind of behavior spills into the business. I know I took you by surprise, but I didnt want to jeopartize any potential future I might have had with the company if my plans of leaving didnt pan out. Is it wrong? As much as the people at my work like me they just arent there. I wish I could print it out and leave it on my managers chair (I just might do this). That didnt go especially well, either. Im not a manager, but Im absolutely one of those people that takes things too personally sometimes. She left a week after I did in the middle of the day. Six months ago I started a new job with a multinational company. My job pays me lots of money. Money doesnt solve everything. When the betrayed feel vulnerable, helpless, or victimized, support in the form of information, relationships, new perspectives, coaching, and encouragement is important for leaders and coworkers to give to help calm the conflict. Sheesh. I agree. Chris Rock put it best in one of his classic stand up sets, except in tad crude and, though his context was in relationships, it easy applies to ones career: :)). Also, what did your boss do/say when you came in and said Youre a creepy stalker who emails me at home, Im leaving now. ;). I hope that the responses will help you re-think what management is all about. I am currently going through a divorce that is not as painful an experience as that was! An employer may attempt to encourage an at-will . Alas, my supervisor came rushing over to stand in the passageway outside my cube, wailing, Do you hate me that much?. If my boss freaked out and acted like they were breaking up everytime someone left, I wouldnt want to have that conversation and would act peachy keen until I gave notice. Some of my reasons for leaving were because of my boss, but there were a lot of other reasons. I never told her why I quit, and I never responded to her nasty-grams. Im going into a field that is growing faster than overall employment (and learning stats along the way) and he asked me if there are actually jobs in that! In this, [EA] has a desire to become a part of the Academic Industry (along with [boyfriend, who was pursuing a PhD]) and in this opportune moment a position has become available @ the [local university] that matches her career path. OP just wanted to say I feel for you and I could see myself reacting the same way. And ultimately, the biggest thing to keep is mind is that employees dont owe you lifelong loyalty. LOL and then social media lights up with a million peoples opinions about how bad the trade is going to be for your new company. However, I kind of dont want to be doing the stretch part of the job, and my work environment is pretty toxic, making it hard to want to come in every day. Thats so interesting, Id never have pegged that as a reason. As a manager, the best thing you can do is to make real efforts to retain high-performing staff members but to be genuinely happy for people when they move on to the next thing in their lives. I am currently looking for a new position. by Alison Green on April 25, 2018 A reader writes: I have a question about how unprofessional it is to "blindside" your boss when quitting. The employee in question was only working one day a week at the time he quit, and put in two weeks notice, so this really wasnt the case at all. what are the best jobs while youre in school? I so appreciated everything you did to accomodate the tough family situation, but it was time for me to move on. On the flip side, I know people who feel terrible when they leave their jobs- not sure if betrayal is the right word but something close to it. Ive been is situations where these apply. (See how many of them would keep showing up if you stopped paying them.). For plenty of people, money is the major motivator in their decision to stay at a job, but there are people out there who would rather have a great office culture, or extensive benefits, or a good work/life balance than have a big salary. And I wasnt even looking to change careers or have a significant change in my role for the new company, so its not like I was taking a hit in order to get started on a new path. Everyone has a choice to grow. OP, I recommend you read AAMs answer closely, and also think about the fact that it is not (all) about you. Its not a betrayal, and its not personal. All rights reserved. Personally, Id read that as the sort of thing written by someone who assumes its so obvious that a person would choose their partner over the company that they cant imagine anyone taking that as anything other than a silly joke. Key is understanding what motivates individual people. Well probably because he could not come up with anything else to say. Offers fall through, bosses can be volatile and send you packing the same day you give notice, etc, and even if my manager wanted to convince me to stay, the reasons I am looking for a new position may be entirely due to factors that are outside of my managers control. update: do I need to give up an impressive business contact whos hitting on me? Thats an attempt to manipulate where your loyalty should be. I put a stop to it when Im around Its nothing personal people, Wakeen left because he wanted to advance and we had nothing available in the foreseeable future. No! Small business horror stories like this make me really happy Im a faceless worker bee in a huge corporation! Did you think you were betraying them, or did you think it was a business decision? sorry to see employees go, I am well aware that nothing lasts forever. She probably wants more opportunities, is moving, or wants a shorter commute. Acknowledging and processing the emotions that come up when someone you manage leaves. I also think this is a situation where its helpful to separate feelings from actions. For me, Id never tell a boss Im job searching for fear theyd mentally lame duck me and Id get worse treatment, less interesting assignments, etc. I dont think its really different than my manager, my coworker, etc. I cannot sleep. His office manager was also my best friend and she never spoke to me again. And besides, youll likely replace those old fauxriends with new fauxriends. Not everyone is for every job. But if Im satisfied with where Im at then the number it would take for me to leap would be pretty unlikely. Thank you for expressing it. Spell out how everything works, let them be fired for reasonable cause or mutual agreement and no more surprises. We are co-workers. People pick up on even very subtle lack of respect, and it diminishes their incentive to stay. People may like you personally but not care for your leadership style. For those of you that are not aware, [boyfriend] recently asked [EA] to marry him and of course she happily accepted. Its easy to lose sight of the employer/employee relationship and just view work as working with people whom you genuinely enjoy in life your friends. I felt terrible when I left my boss/owner of the company for his bigger (more opportunities) competitor. or a compatible philosophical/principled stance. 3. Thanks for your advice. For the record I love [name of Jamies husband] more than any work family I have ever, or will ever, have. I feel betrayed when employees quit I'm a manager who has trouble when employees leave. If not, then I agree with Clever Name that maybe this was just an employee who didnt know any better and thought that giving notice to HR was the correct way to do things?

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